I'm as good at frequent blogging as I am at frequent journaling. Or frequent window-washing. Bah. I've really been trying to stay positive about life in general, not just about family stuff, but it's difficult with financial stresses and all, too. I'm still not in the Christmas mood, which is unusual for me. I usually can hardly wait for Christmas beginning with the day after Thanksgiving, but I'm a bit of a scrooge this year. A few weeks ago on our way to church, I turned the radio off because I was just not ready to hear Christmas music. Not yet. I think it was the Sunday after Thanksgiving. Christina loves listening to the Christmas music, though, and trying to sing along. So we listen to it at home. And in the car. And it's usually playing in the different grocery stores we frequent. I think the only place I have been able to escape the reminders of Christmas - Christmas music, decorations, lights, etc - is at Paul's grandma's house. This has changed, because she now has her tree, decorations, and lights up. No Christmas music yet.
I'm hoping that something changes soon. We are trying to sell a car, which would help with some financial issues, and would also allow us to give a different caliber of Christmas gift this year. Not "better," I guess, because any gift given from the heart is a good gift, but *different* gifts. For most of the years we've been married, Paul & I have given hand-made cookies/candies/breads for Christmas gifts. I can only think of one year when we bought gifts instead of making them. It just sounds more fun right now to go to a store and pick out individual gifts for individual people.
Maybe it sounds more fun right now because my body has been aching for the last few weeks or so. A dr appt earlier this month affirmed that the RA meds are not working as effectively as they were when I first began swallowing them. So now I have more pills to swallow, and hopefully that will kick everything into high gear. If it doesn't, then the dr suggests biologics, which doesn't sound very fun or economical. Paul says if that's what it takes to fix me, though, then that's what we should do. I don't like being a physical or financial burden, though. And I know I'm not really a burden and no one sees me as a burden, but when I can't do EVERYTHING for myself, I start seeing myself as needy, pathetic, and incapable. Harsh, eh?
And I've been really bummed lately that it's not safe to have another baby for a while. If increasing my existing meds and adding a new med is all it takes to beat the RA into submission - I mean remission - I'll still have to be on the meds until Sept 2012, at least, and then we have to wait for at least 3 months before planning another baby. I did the math the other night - another sleepless, restless night. Christina would be 5 and Hope would be 3 at the YOUNGEST before we could hold another little bundle in our arms. And that's assuming that these meds work, I *only* have to be on them until Sept (this was the dr's original guess, before the medicine started not treating me as effectively), and we conceive right away. Gah. It's just another thing I try not to think about, but when my mind can't shut down at night, I just can't help but remember. The positive aspect of this, though, is that Hope would likely be potty-trained and Christina would be more independent - able to entertain herself by reading, writing, coloring, etc. Maybe it's a blessing that we have to wait for a while?
On the positive side, I have been having fun making apple rings lately. Christina absolutely loves them, and Paul & I enjoy them quite a bit too. So far I've been drying them plain - no cinnamon or nutmeg or anything like that. We've used Gala, Golden Delicious, Red Delicious, and Fuji apples so far. Maybe Honeycrisp, too. Paul's grandma picked them up from the orchard for us. We have discovered that Christina prefers them thicker and chewier, while Paul really enjoys them thin and crunchy. I like them both ways. Quite convenient, 'cause then I have access to more deliciousness! :) I tried giving Hope a few tiny pieces, but she choked/gagged on them, so I think we'll have to wait until she gets molars.
I also dehydrated some venison and made venison jerky. I think it's quite tasty. Paul likes the taste but thought it was a bit dry. I'm planning to make some beef jerky soon, too. I may sprinkle some cinnamon on some apple rings and give that a try this week, for a little variety. Later today I will bake my first whole turkey ever! That should be exciting. I'm planning to carve the breast off after baking and slice for sandwiches. I'm hoping we'll have lots to freeze for sandwiches in January and February, too. We all like turkey sandwiches pretty well, and I've got lots and lots of homemade pickles to enjoy with them. Turkey sandwiches will be a nice change from peanut butter & jelly/honey and "cheese-cheese" sandwiches. The dark meat we will eat with traditional "Thanksgiving" foods. I am looking forward to the following dinner tomorrow night: turkey, squash, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, green beans, corn, and apple rings. I may even go crazy and bake Paul an apple pie. Shh. Don't tell him. Just in case it doesn't happen. Yes, we will have lots of food to eat; if anyone wants to come over, let me know. :)
Oh! Also last week I tried making elderberry jelly, but it hasn't set up yet. Did I just try one batch to see if it worked? Oh, no. No, not me. I made 5 batches and yep! None of it has set. So I'll be re-doing it later this week or early next week. It's mostly fun, though. Only about 10% frustrating. All-in-all I've really enjoyed home-preserving this year. It's been wonderful to see my pantry and freezers fill up with food. And a special blessing to know that if worse came to worse, we may grow weary of eating the same food over and over again, but we would definitely not be hungry for a long time.
My post began crabby and depressing, but has ended a bit more positively. I think I've vented most of my frustrations now, so I'll head back to bed soon and see if I can sleep.