After weeks of thinking about my last post, I've decided I really need to provide some clarification. I said I miss my parents and wonder if they miss me. What I *really* miss is the idea of parents, if that makes any sense to cyberworld. I miss an ideological, fantasy version of our relationship; I don't miss the actuality of our relationship.
It would be great if my kids could know my side of the family and if they could have a close relationship with my parents/grandparents/brothers/aunts/uncles/cousins. It'd be great for my family, too; they really are missing out on some pretty amazing kiddos. Christina's not even 3 years old yet, and she's learning to read and write. I think that's pretty amazing, even if I am a little bit biased.
Yeah, it would be wonderful if we lived in a perfect world and my kids could know all of their grandparents, uncles, etc. But I don't live in a perfect world. And I'm choosing not to live in a fantasy world, where I just ignore problems and pretend like everything is okay. I'm living in reality - the reality that my parents showed no signs of caring that I was abused for the foundational years of my childhood. And the reality that they continue to pursue a relationship with my abuser. No, I really don't expect them to cut the guy out of their lives. I did expect, however, that they would show at least a tiny bit of concern for my feelings; a tiny bit of respect for my decisions. I hoped that they wouldn't just toss aside and ignore something that is core to who I am and how I view the world these days.
Maybe people think I'm cold-hearted or stubborn. Heck, some people would probably even say I'm wrong or I'm selfish. But when I look at reality - the words that were actually said and the situations that really took place - and when I let go of the fantastical relationship I wish I had with my parents, I'm better off - and my kids are better off - leaving that behind. We don't need the disrespect, the pain, or the emotional trauma.
I still wish I had that fantastical relationship with my parents, where they could come over for dinner, birthday parties, Christmas. But I'm accepting that this is only a wish and is certainly not the reality I've been given.
At least you can accept the situation for what it is; that's better than most people can do in whatever situations life throws at them. :) Be proud of yourself for being able to draw a line and stick with it. Take care, Chrystal. - Amy
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