Things I Know on the "Good" Days

I've been having too many of those days recently.  You know the ones.  Or maybe your life is full of constant sunshine and butterflies; maybe you don't know those days.  Good for you.  Sincerely.

Those days when my bed taunts me nothing's going to get better once you leave me.  Might as well hide in the comforter.  Those days when every carbohydrate and sugar in the house teases might as well indulge; your muffin top hasn't left over the last five years.  It's not leaving EVER.  Those days when the voice in my head - the one who's supposed to be on my side - adopts the mantra no one's going to listen.  If anyone does, they'll only realize how weird/crazy/creepy you really are.  Those days when my body protests with every movement the doctor is crazy.  Consistent, gentle exercise is getting you nowhere.  You still feel/look like crap.  Those days when even my heart hurts, and I find it impossible to pinpoint the why.

A few weeks back, I made a list.  I love lists.  Little reminders, little items to check off, little ways to fool myself into thinking I'm organized and I've got everything under control.  I made a list of things to remember when those days creep in.  Those feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, defeat.  I read it today with my cynical eyes, and although some items seem cheesy, I remember writing it when I felt very positive.  I'm hoping to feel positive again someday soon.

1.  I love Christina and Hope.
2.  I love my husband.
3.  I'd do anything - give anything - for those three people.
4.  My husband and daughters love me.
5.  My husband thinks I'm beautiful.
6.  My daughter's think I'm beautiful. (This seems important enough to warrant its own number.  I see so many of my features in my children, especially Christina.  My hope is that if they really think I'm beautiful, when they're older they'll appreciate their own beauty and avoid those all-too-prevalent body image issues.)
7.  I'm not perfect, which is great, beacuse I'm not supposed to be.
8.  I ought to talk to myself with as much kindness as I offer to those who share their burdens with me.
9.  It's a blessing to pray for others, so I ought to feel free to share my burdens and ask others to pray for me.
10. When all is said and done, I am His and He is mine.

This song has been running through my mind over the last few months, and while it's not helping much today, it is very pretty.